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Children's sleep is quite a topic! Almost every one of us parents deals with it, and it's associated with tons of myths and recommendations. Often, these untruths lead us to doubt ourselves or our child, and that's what I'd like to change today. In the first part, I immediately tackled 6 of the most common myths, which I will try to debunk and explain. So, let's get to it!
Nikola Kopecká is a mother of three boys who knows that pregnancy and motherhood can bring many questions, and therefore offers you answers to them. She will guide you through the journey of parenthood as a doula, lactation consultant, instructor of prenatal preparation and babywearing, and a children's sleep expert. All these areas are a great hobby and mission for her.
1st myth: "By one year old, he should already be sleeping through the night. He wakes up only out of habit. We need to break him of this habit."
There is no specific age when a child should sleep through the night. In fact, even we adults don't sleep through the entire night. The only difference is that we can fall back asleep without help. Young children are still learning this, each at a different time. For all of us, a feeling of safety, peace, pleasant air, fulfilled basic needs (food, drink, toilet, etc.), and other things are crucial for falling asleep. Children, unlike us, depend on us to fulfill these needs and also require our presence for a crucial feeling of safety.A child does not yet have a sufficiently developed thinking part of the brain, the so-called neocortex, which would allow them to realize that they are in a safe environment even if mom or dad are not directly next to them. They use another, instinctive part of the brain (called the 'reptilian brain'), and believe that if they are not near a caregiver, their life is in danger. The brain starts releasing the stress hormone cortisol, and the child tries to call their parents with crying to provide them with a feeling of safety so they can continue to sleep. This is completely natural behavior; it is not manipulation or deliberate action. As parents, we are neurobiologically perfectly wired to simply fulfill these needs for the child and thus ensure their natural development.
2nd myth: "You can't put him to sleep, he'll get used to it and won't learn to fall asleep on his own."
You cannot teach a child to fall asleep on their own. They will be able to do it when they are ready, and this varies for each child. However, it usually comes around the age of 3 or later. Not only small babies but also older toddlers require our presence to fall asleep. If a child doesn't feel comfortable (is sick, had a demanding day, is falling asleep in a new environment, etc.), they may require our presence and a sense of security even at a later age. This is again a completely natural reaction, and if we accommodate the child, we build a shared relationship. By doing so, we provide them with a sense of certainty, security, acceptance, and love. Even children who have been lulled to sleep since birth will one day be able to fall asleep on their own. There is no need to train it. It is a natural development, and every child has their own pace. The transition from being lulled to sleep to falling asleep independently is not an overnight process; it is a gradual development, and there is no need to rush. The child will guide you, and together you will find a way that suits all of you.
3rd myth: "Proper sleep habits must be built and learned."
Bad sleep habits in children will not be seen unless we show them ourselves. Babies do not smoke, eat fast food, or watch TV or use mobile phones before bed, which truly complicates falling asleep. But if we are talking about the need for cuddling, holding, lulling to sleep, breastfeeding, and so on, these are definitely not bad sleep habits. This is natural children's behavior.